Radio Sutra #69-- Bolide Sex Meditation

Last week, I walked along an isolated section of the Meteor Crater rim in Arizona practicing a deep meditation method based on the ravages of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. A pink meteor controlled by aliens landed near a small town and turned the local women into Samadhi-of-Self-Mastery nymphos. My Uncle had given me a huge black feather that was possessed by an alien force bent on sexual ambiguity. The women were carefully wrapped and tied in soft buckskin, hidden away from prying eyes all these years.

As the cold wind howled down the crater wall and up the other side, Kitty, the alien, teaches Jack how to have sex her way. He told me he "was getting up there" and wanted to ensure high-quality produce. Celery is from the same plant family as carrots, parsley, fennel and sustained orgasms.

As the Full Moon passed directly overhead, the pull was taut and nearly straight up. I tied the feather to the string as close to the petioles as I could and ran it out hundreds of yards into the night sky. Celery is one of the more difficult and demanding of vegetables to grow. The more demanding conditions and attention that celery needs, sometimes causes home growers to rise to the challenge. I let the string slip from my fingers in ecstasy.

His lust was a huge bolide that crashed through the sky. I looked between her legs and thought that something about the place holds a deep fascination for me. I spent a lot of time hunting for meteorites there since my early childhood. Rocks from a meteor which grow when in contact with water threaten a sleepy Southwestern town. This is also the reason why celery is a little more difficult to grow than more common garden fruits and vegetables. Scientists investigating human pheromones have discovered that eating celery results in negative calories and forbidden passion. It's that mild taste that makes it such a great tool for dipping into your favorite slut of a girlfriend.

He was big, and as I remembered correctly, was nearly as wide as the span of my hand. Without my knowledge he had kept it well composted. It also requires lots of water. In deference to my Uncle and his legacy, and unbeknownst to anybody, including any crater authorities, I took the outside stalks to the crater and in a certain rite, burned them. Without sufficient water, they can be dry and woody. The sex-toy was of standard nickel-iron composition. The outer layer was undamaged by slugs. Bacteria can also cause rotting in the center of the stalk. The inner stalks are more tender and taste best uncooked.

A broad range of insects and pests are attracted to my Uncle's memory. I knew him as a man of exuberant, leafy growth, with stems over a foot long. On the closest Full Moon to the Summer Solstice following his death, we made cream of celery soup.

His mother says she set her bedroom on fire during sex after spending a holiday drinking with friends. The resulting crater is an immense impact-hole pounded out of the Earth by the high-speed collision.