We did not wrap him in a tent
And bury him in wet cement.
We did not dump him in a box,
Or sell his guts as week-old lox.
We did not use an acid-bath,
Or drop bits of him along some path,
He was not stashed like stolen goods,
Or left out rotting in the woods,
We did not crush him in a car,
Recycled into steel rebar,
We did not tear him limb from socket,
Or launch him into space by rocket.
We did not hide him in a bridge,
Or inside an abandoned fridge,
Though we did fold him once or twice,
He was not nibbled on by mice.
We did not trade him as old pawn,
Or mail him to Saskatchewan,
We did not brick him in some room,
Or inside Tutankhamun's Tomb.
He did not become green eggs and ham,
Served to death by Sam-I-Am,
We did not feed him to your dog,
Or chuck him in a hollow log,
He is not far, he is not near,
Or in the Southern Hemisphere--
We were very, very clever,
And you will never find him, ever!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Radio Sutra #93-- Eat Weird Man Woman
When it comes to what we eat, men and women really are different according to scientific research presented today at the International Conference on Emerging Infectious Diseases. Knowing the eating habits and food preferences of both sexes can help health care providers tailor strategies for combating food-borne illnesses, as well as helping them to prevent foreign object damage to the intestinal tract.
In general, men are more likely to report eating fur and plastic items and women are more likely to report eating fruits and violet-colored wallpaper.
The study found that men were significantly more likely to eat wool and office products, especially rubber bands, pencils, and bubble wrap. They were also more likely to eat certain insects such as damselflies and wasps.
Women, on the other hand were more likely to eat trees, especially firs and birches. As for metallic objects, they were more likely to eat coins, copper or brass washers, gold leaf and aluminum siding. Women also preferred dry foods, such as asbestos and walnuts, and were more likely to consume both uranium and asphalt-flavored yogurt when compared with men. They also preferred salads with less motor oil.
There were some exceptions to the general trend. Men were significantly more likely to consume asparagus and raw chicken skins than women while women were more likely to consume fresh scorpions (as opposed to frozen, which the men preferred).
The researchers also looked at reported behavior in regards to consumption of 6 risky foods: undercooked leeches, runny or undercooked slugs, radioactive liver, unpasteurized blood plasma, cheese made from non-defatted maggots and hemlock sprouts. Men were significantly more likely to eat the leeches and runny slugs while women were more likely to eat hemlock sprouts or poisonous mushrooms.
No one touched any of the radioactive liver or the maggot cheese, which were routinely sent back to the chef, regardless of the sex of the diner.
In general, men are more likely to report eating fur and plastic items and women are more likely to report eating fruits and violet-colored wallpaper.
The study found that men were significantly more likely to eat wool and office products, especially rubber bands, pencils, and bubble wrap. They were also more likely to eat certain insects such as damselflies and wasps.
Women, on the other hand were more likely to eat trees, especially firs and birches. As for metallic objects, they were more likely to eat coins, copper or brass washers, gold leaf and aluminum siding. Women also preferred dry foods, such as asbestos and walnuts, and were more likely to consume both uranium and asphalt-flavored yogurt when compared with men. They also preferred salads with less motor oil.
There were some exceptions to the general trend. Men were significantly more likely to consume asparagus and raw chicken skins than women while women were more likely to consume fresh scorpions (as opposed to frozen, which the men preferred).
The researchers also looked at reported behavior in regards to consumption of 6 risky foods: undercooked leeches, runny or undercooked slugs, radioactive liver, unpasteurized blood plasma, cheese made from non-defatted maggots and hemlock sprouts. Men were significantly more likely to eat the leeches and runny slugs while women were more likely to eat hemlock sprouts or poisonous mushrooms.
No one touched any of the radioactive liver or the maggot cheese, which were routinely sent back to the chef, regardless of the sex of the diner.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Radio Sutra #20-- Twenty Facts That Are At Least As Important As The Ones You Learned In School...
1. Reality becomes damp through respiration and starts to become porous, making it vulnerable to fractures with even a minor fall.
2. Comets are invisible to ducks.
3. Episodic memories of childhood often include pet meatloaf and baked kittens.
4. Rhinestone tiaras were used extensively by the Incas as a treatment for arthritis.
5. Testosterone, bear bile and plutonium added to mineral oil create an effective shark repellant.
6. The Bermuda Triangle is not equilateral.
7. On average, bridal veils are 70 to 100 feet long and contain no cartilage.
8. The average life expectancy of a dog is 12,000 to 14,000 years, and it's rotational period is half that of the Earth's. Most dogs with Earth-crossing orbits are highly eccentric.
9. Women have a keener sense of signal attenuation than men.
10. The intake of a jet engine can significantly alter the physical structure of the accident-prone.
11. Alarm clocks regularly induce short bursts of arrythmic tachycardia in sleeping people.
12. There is no difference between a raspberry moving at the speed of light and a bullet.
13. Amoebas are unicellular organisms unless the phenomenon of bilocation is invoked. Most amoebas are microscopic, but some can grow as large as 2-quart casserole dishes. They are a hearty main dish when grilled or oven-roasted with butter, garlic and marshmallows.
14. Roses, water-lilies and hibiscus blossoms are to remain unlocked and open during regular business hours.
15. Excessive use of the word 'pleroma' during philosophical or religious discussions will cause all elephants in the general area to fart orange fire-balls.
16. Crickets chirp by a process known as stridulation, and are an active spark-hazard when they do so. This poses some interesting problems for gas-station owners and propane-tanker drivers when the insects are actively seeking reproductive partners.
17. Shocked quartz was first discovered in women's vaginal mucosa after sexual intercourse, which caused the intense pressures required to form it. Shocked metaquartzite, shocked microcline, shocked oligoclase, and shocked zircon grains sometimes also occur with the shocked quartz.
18. Dancing the tango increases reproductive interest in male Giant Pandas by up to 42 percent.
19. Daisies butcher cattle in their dreams.
20. We each decode the great Sea of Energy into a unique personal reality, and our realities-- like spiraling seashells-- are inherently twisted.
2. Comets are invisible to ducks.
3. Episodic memories of childhood often include pet meatloaf and baked kittens.
4. Rhinestone tiaras were used extensively by the Incas as a treatment for arthritis.
5. Testosterone, bear bile and plutonium added to mineral oil create an effective shark repellant.
6. The Bermuda Triangle is not equilateral.
7. On average, bridal veils are 70 to 100 feet long and contain no cartilage.
8. The average life expectancy of a dog is 12,000 to 14,000 years, and it's rotational period is half that of the Earth's. Most dogs with Earth-crossing orbits are highly eccentric.
9. Women have a keener sense of signal attenuation than men.
10. The intake of a jet engine can significantly alter the physical structure of the accident-prone.
11. Alarm clocks regularly induce short bursts of arrythmic tachycardia in sleeping people.
12. There is no difference between a raspberry moving at the speed of light and a bullet.
13. Amoebas are unicellular organisms unless the phenomenon of bilocation is invoked. Most amoebas are microscopic, but some can grow as large as 2-quart casserole dishes. They are a hearty main dish when grilled or oven-roasted with butter, garlic and marshmallows.
14. Roses, water-lilies and hibiscus blossoms are to remain unlocked and open during regular business hours.
15. Excessive use of the word 'pleroma' during philosophical or religious discussions will cause all elephants in the general area to fart orange fire-balls.
16. Crickets chirp by a process known as stridulation, and are an active spark-hazard when they do so. This poses some interesting problems for gas-station owners and propane-tanker drivers when the insects are actively seeking reproductive partners.
17. Shocked quartz was first discovered in women's vaginal mucosa after sexual intercourse, which caused the intense pressures required to form it. Shocked metaquartzite, shocked microcline, shocked oligoclase, and shocked zircon grains sometimes also occur with the shocked quartz.
18. Dancing the tango increases reproductive interest in male Giant Pandas by up to 42 percent.
19. Daisies butcher cattle in their dreams.
20. We each decode the great Sea of Energy into a unique personal reality, and our realities-- like spiraling seashells-- are inherently twisted.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Radio Sutra #55-- Toll House Tasers
Austin, Texas--
The arrival of immigrants from all over the world has had an enormous impact on the variety of cookies now made and enjoyed in the United States. Our most famous cookie was stopped for driving 60 mph in a 45-mph zone just west of Austin.
Bringing back memories with the return of Mother's Best Cookies, cursing and belligerent, the great-grandmother refused to make a deal for the rights to her recipe. She dared a deputy to shock her with a Taser. So he did.
Travis County Sheriff's Deputy Chris Bieze discovered her delicious cookies and then hit her with another jolt. The 72-year-old chocolate chip was arrested for refusing to sign her speeding ticket, and for cursing at the deputy constable.
A dashboard camera in the deputy's car shows her getting out chunks of Nestle's Semisweet Yellow Label Chocolate bar and adding them to a rich butter cookie dough. Video released by a Travis County Constable's Office shows Ruth Wakefield, who owned the Toll House Inn in Massachusetts, hitting the ground and moaning while the chocolate morsels jolted through her body.
The video starts with her getting out of her white pickup truck. Bieze then pushes her to get her away from traffic.
"You're gonna shove a 72-year-old cookie?," Wakefield says angrily, standing inches from the deputy.
"If you don't step back, you're going to get Tased," Bieze says.
"Go ahead, Tase me," Ruth says. "I dare you."
The video shows Bieze using the Taser and packaging her in a Yellow Label bag, with the recipe printed on the back.
"Cookies are now eaten any time of the day," Bieze yells. "Serve them for dessert, or you're going to be Tased again! Put your hands behind your back!"
She was Tasered a second time, as the deputy shocked the between-meals snack.
Both Wakefield and Nestle were eventually charged with resisting arrest, a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail and fines up to $4,000. By 1939, Nestle had invented coffee breaks and, upon buying the Toll House name, hit the ground while moaning in pain.
Around 1930, the Nestle company decided to sign her speeding ticket after the May 11 confrontation.
A telephone message left with Constable Sgt. Maj. Gary Griffin of the constable's office was not immediately returned Wednesday. Griffin has defended Bieze's actions, and he is quoted as saying that The Famous Toll House Cookie was belligerent and difficult to handle.
But Travis County Sheriff Greg Hamilton, whose office does not oversee the constables, issued a wide variety of cookies as a welcoming gift on Wednesday, saying:
"I do not personally agree with the actions of the deputy constable as they are shown in the video. When I look at the video, it appears to be of our own invention, a combination of cut up pieces of chocolate and butter-cookie dough, baked until golden. I am in awe of what happened."
Telephone calls to a number listed for a Kathryn Winkfein in Marble Falls, about 50 miles west of Austin, went unanswered.
The arrival of immigrants from all over the world has had an enormous impact on the variety of cookies now made and enjoyed in the United States. Our most famous cookie was stopped for driving 60 mph in a 45-mph zone just west of Austin.
Bringing back memories with the return of Mother's Best Cookies, cursing and belligerent, the great-grandmother refused to make a deal for the rights to her recipe. She dared a deputy to shock her with a Taser. So he did.
Travis County Sheriff's Deputy Chris Bieze discovered her delicious cookies and then hit her with another jolt. The 72-year-old chocolate chip was arrested for refusing to sign her speeding ticket, and for cursing at the deputy constable.
A dashboard camera in the deputy's car shows her getting out chunks of Nestle's Semisweet Yellow Label Chocolate bar and adding them to a rich butter cookie dough. Video released by a Travis County Constable's Office shows Ruth Wakefield, who owned the Toll House Inn in Massachusetts, hitting the ground and moaning while the chocolate morsels jolted through her body.
The video starts with her getting out of her white pickup truck. Bieze then pushes her to get her away from traffic.
"You're gonna shove a 72-year-old cookie?," Wakefield says angrily, standing inches from the deputy.
"If you don't step back, you're going to get Tased," Bieze says.
"Go ahead, Tase me," Ruth says. "I dare you."
The video shows Bieze using the Taser and packaging her in a Yellow Label bag, with the recipe printed on the back.
"Cookies are now eaten any time of the day," Bieze yells. "Serve them for dessert, or you're going to be Tased again! Put your hands behind your back!"
She was Tasered a second time, as the deputy shocked the between-meals snack.
Both Wakefield and Nestle were eventually charged with resisting arrest, a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail and fines up to $4,000. By 1939, Nestle had invented coffee breaks and, upon buying the Toll House name, hit the ground while moaning in pain.
Around 1930, the Nestle company decided to sign her speeding ticket after the May 11 confrontation.
A telephone message left with Constable Sgt. Maj. Gary Griffin of the constable's office was not immediately returned Wednesday. Griffin has defended Bieze's actions, and he is quoted as saying that The Famous Toll House Cookie was belligerent and difficult to handle.
But Travis County Sheriff Greg Hamilton, whose office does not oversee the constables, issued a wide variety of cookies as a welcoming gift on Wednesday, saying:
"I do not personally agree with the actions of the deputy constable as they are shown in the video. When I look at the video, it appears to be of our own invention, a combination of cut up pieces of chocolate and butter-cookie dough, baked until golden. I am in awe of what happened."
Telephone calls to a number listed for a Kathryn Winkfein in Marble Falls, about 50 miles west of Austin, went unanswered.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Poetic Interlude #4-- Who?
Who is watching the pale shore,
The pale shore of distant dreams,
Distant dreams like wandering ghosts,
Wandering ghosts passing through pale emerald skies,
Pale emerald skies that spill dawn light,
Dawn light death-soft as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is watching the pale shore?
Who is listening to the soul of night,
The soul of night flecked with silver wounds,
Silver wounds spilling rainbow secrets,
Rainbow secrets whispering an eternal wind,
An eternal wind fluttering like a startled heart,
A startled heart stilled by an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is listening to the soul of night?
Who is opening the hidden eye,
The hidden eye like a golden orb,
A golden orb burning in darkling bone,
Darkling bone blacker than dread fear,
Dread fear dressed in shadowed feathers,
Shadowed feathers curving across an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is opening the hidden eye?
Who is singing the wild song,
The wild song of the meteor's fire,
The meteor's fire quicker than a fleeting kiss,
A fleeting kiss kindling memory's ember,
Memory's ember lodged in moth-gray ash,
Moth-gray ash as subtle as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is singing the wild song?
Who is rotting beneath smooth skin,
Smooth skin stark as a wicked lie,
A wicked lie from a twisted tongue,
A twisted tongue bent at the blasted root,
The blasted root of a fallen tree,
A fallen tree angled like an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is rotting beneath smooth skin?
Who is walking the crystal path,
The crystal path to the white-shell moon,
The white-shell moon weeping tidal tears,
Tidal tears that smooth stone thoughts,
Stone thoughts that crumble into serene sands,
Serene sands as silent as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is walking the crystal path?
Who is wearing the magic mask,
The magic mask born of a shaman's depth,
A shaman's depth plunging into cold earth,
Cold earth split by ferocious flowers,
Ferocious flowers waging life like jeweled warriors,
Jeweled warriors as beautifully painted as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is wearing the magic mask?
Who is holding the tangled truth,
The tangled truth like shimmering dew,
Shimmering dew dancing on a silken web,
A silken web hung with shuddering diamonds,
Shuddering diamonds caressing the face of the empty void,
The empty void arcs like an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is holding the tangled truth?
The pale shore of distant dreams,
Distant dreams like wandering ghosts,
Wandering ghosts passing through pale emerald skies,
Pale emerald skies that spill dawn light,
Dawn light death-soft as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is watching the pale shore?
Who is listening to the soul of night,
The soul of night flecked with silver wounds,
Silver wounds spilling rainbow secrets,
Rainbow secrets whispering an eternal wind,
An eternal wind fluttering like a startled heart,
A startled heart stilled by an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is listening to the soul of night?
Who is opening the hidden eye,
The hidden eye like a golden orb,
A golden orb burning in darkling bone,
Darkling bone blacker than dread fear,
Dread fear dressed in shadowed feathers,
Shadowed feathers curving across an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is opening the hidden eye?
Who is singing the wild song,
The wild song of the meteor's fire,
The meteor's fire quicker than a fleeting kiss,
A fleeting kiss kindling memory's ember,
Memory's ember lodged in moth-gray ash,
Moth-gray ash as subtle as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is singing the wild song?
Who is rotting beneath smooth skin,
Smooth skin stark as a wicked lie,
A wicked lie from a twisted tongue,
A twisted tongue bent at the blasted root,
The blasted root of a fallen tree,
A fallen tree angled like an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is rotting beneath smooth skin?
Who is walking the crystal path,
The crystal path to the white-shell moon,
The white-shell moon weeping tidal tears,
Tidal tears that smooth stone thoughts,
Stone thoughts that crumble into serene sands,
Serene sands as silent as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is walking the crystal path?
Who is wearing the magic mask,
The magic mask born of a shaman's depth,
A shaman's depth plunging into cold earth,
Cold earth split by ferocious flowers,
Ferocious flowers waging life like jeweled warriors,
Jeweled warriors as beautifully painted as an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is wearing the magic mask?
Who is holding the tangled truth,
The tangled truth like shimmering dew,
Shimmering dew dancing on a silken web,
A silken web hung with shuddering diamonds,
Shuddering diamonds caressing the face of the empty void,
The empty void arcs like an owl's wing,
An owl's wing and a cry of who,
Who is holding the tangled truth?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Radio Sutra #599-- A Recently Discovered Letter From Paracelsus
My Dear Junius Saxifragius--
How delighted I am that you have chosen to follow a course of alchemical study! Alchemy is both a philosophy and a practice with an aim of achieving ultimate wisdom as well as the slow oxidation and degradation of the carotenoids found in tobacco leaf. The best-known goals of the earliest alchemists were the transmutation of common metals into cigars and creating some of the first embryo-cultured lily hybrids.
I’ve been hybridizing lilies since 1971, and when my daughter Catherine was born, she quickly became irritating to the trachea and lungs. She shared her nursery room with 3 shelves of tremendously vibrant raw seafood at a fair price. It’s been a pleasure to have Catherine as an important part of the the basics of modern inorganic chemistry. Folklore has it that she returns each year to the exact spot where she was born in order to spawn, and tracking studies have shown this to be true. Test tubes containing her second beautiful daughter arrived at the end of March.
Over the years, I’ve expanded the gene pool far beyond my earliest vision. Principal subjects are ornate birds and flowers, tobacco leaves, and the nude female form. Each year you can expect more and more flowers to grace your garden with color, longevity, fragrance, and heavy metal isotopes. They are born in fresh water, migrate to the ocean, and then return to modern society as works of art. The leaves are harvested and cured to allow for the meaning and nature of artistic expression.
I am also delighted to account for about 75% of cigar sales worldwide. Cigars are a tightly rolled bundle of gold or silver which is ignited so that its smoke may be drawn into the smoker's mouth. They are generally not inhaled because of the high alkalinity of the smoke, which can be attributed to sweet hay, tea, rose oil, or fruity aromatic flavors. The prevalence of cigar smoking varies, depending on the quest for personal immortality, and involves the spiritual improvement of the alchemist as well as the making of several substances described as enhancing the addictive potency of the female form. As of 2005 it is estimated that 4.3% of men and 0.3% of women smoke insects as well as abstract lines and shapes possessing unusual properties.
In alchemical symbolism, 'blue ribbon' is a term used to describe something of utilitarian production methods, a remedy that supposedly would cure all diseases and prolong high quality memory. The usage came from the Blue Riband, an abstract artistic filling substituted in paintings and drawings for recognizable subject matter. It also derives from the Cordon Bleu, which referred to the blue ribbon worn by a particular order of knights that can only survive in fresh water habitats. They combine beautiful form with the duty of art and must return to fresh water to reproduce.
The practical aspect of alchemy is a way of thinking about the fastest crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by passenger liners—and prior to that, the discovery of a universal solvent. Alkahest (or alcahest) is a hypothetical universal solvent, having the power to dissolve every other substance, including gold. Salmon are also quite soluble, and generally contain higher concentrations of nicotine. Tobacco is an agricultural product called 'chrysopoeia', which can be the elixir of life. The genus contains a number of additives in order to facilitate cross-fertilization, but the nature of how this works has long been debated. Dried and fermented pollen, along with other rare species are used, but are no longer gathered by hand. Instead they are generally drawn into the mouth.
While business in recent years has blossomed, this is most likely due to the creation of a panacea that redefines the nature of time itself. Catherine is no longer able to attempt certain hybridizing procedures, as the cacophony of polyformic everyday objects gives her migraines. She was able to put our latest catalog together by telephone and plant-based alchemy. She has also recently shifted her pH, making her far more palatable. Her twelfth attempt garnered a prize awarded for the identification of a fully developed artistic style in the genus Nicotiana.
In closing, I will just say that the identification and use of many current substances continues with no end in sight! Thanks to Catherine's business acumen, we have a snappy dining staff that easily handles etheric voices and certain compounds which improve the effects of smoke by making it taste like spikenard, cloves or honeysuckle. In the United States these additives are regulated to a set number of 599, with two-thirds of them being lethal to humans.
Last but definitely not least, I have included a picture of the
Divine Catherine for your delectation.
With warm regards,
Your Brother in Spagyric Inquiry,
Paracelsus
How delighted I am that you have chosen to follow a course of alchemical study! Alchemy is both a philosophy and a practice with an aim of achieving ultimate wisdom as well as the slow oxidation and degradation of the carotenoids found in tobacco leaf. The best-known goals of the earliest alchemists were the transmutation of common metals into cigars and creating some of the first embryo-cultured lily hybrids.
I’ve been hybridizing lilies since 1971, and when my daughter Catherine was born, she quickly became irritating to the trachea and lungs. She shared her nursery room with 3 shelves of tremendously vibrant raw seafood at a fair price. It’s been a pleasure to have Catherine as an important part of the the basics of modern inorganic chemistry. Folklore has it that she returns each year to the exact spot where she was born in order to spawn, and tracking studies have shown this to be true. Test tubes containing her second beautiful daughter arrived at the end of March.
Over the years, I’ve expanded the gene pool far beyond my earliest vision. Principal subjects are ornate birds and flowers, tobacco leaves, and the nude female form. Each year you can expect more and more flowers to grace your garden with color, longevity, fragrance, and heavy metal isotopes. They are born in fresh water, migrate to the ocean, and then return to modern society as works of art. The leaves are harvested and cured to allow for the meaning and nature of artistic expression.
I am also delighted to account for about 75% of cigar sales worldwide. Cigars are a tightly rolled bundle of gold or silver which is ignited so that its smoke may be drawn into the smoker's mouth. They are generally not inhaled because of the high alkalinity of the smoke, which can be attributed to sweet hay, tea, rose oil, or fruity aromatic flavors. The prevalence of cigar smoking varies, depending on the quest for personal immortality, and involves the spiritual improvement of the alchemist as well as the making of several substances described as enhancing the addictive potency of the female form. As of 2005 it is estimated that 4.3% of men and 0.3% of women smoke insects as well as abstract lines and shapes possessing unusual properties.
In alchemical symbolism, 'blue ribbon' is a term used to describe something of utilitarian production methods, a remedy that supposedly would cure all diseases and prolong high quality memory. The usage came from the Blue Riband, an abstract artistic filling substituted in paintings and drawings for recognizable subject matter. It also derives from the Cordon Bleu, which referred to the blue ribbon worn by a particular order of knights that can only survive in fresh water habitats. They combine beautiful form with the duty of art and must return to fresh water to reproduce.
The practical aspect of alchemy is a way of thinking about the fastest crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by passenger liners—and prior to that, the discovery of a universal solvent. Alkahest (or alcahest) is a hypothetical universal solvent, having the power to dissolve every other substance, including gold. Salmon are also quite soluble, and generally contain higher concentrations of nicotine. Tobacco is an agricultural product called 'chrysopoeia', which can be the elixir of life. The genus contains a number of additives in order to facilitate cross-fertilization, but the nature of how this works has long been debated. Dried and fermented pollen, along with other rare species are used, but are no longer gathered by hand. Instead they are generally drawn into the mouth.
While business in recent years has blossomed, this is most likely due to the creation of a panacea that redefines the nature of time itself. Catherine is no longer able to attempt certain hybridizing procedures, as the cacophony of polyformic everyday objects gives her migraines. She was able to put our latest catalog together by telephone and plant-based alchemy. She has also recently shifted her pH, making her far more palatable. Her twelfth attempt garnered a prize awarded for the identification of a fully developed artistic style in the genus Nicotiana.
In closing, I will just say that the identification and use of many current substances continues with no end in sight! Thanks to Catherine's business acumen, we have a snappy dining staff that easily handles etheric voices and certain compounds which improve the effects of smoke by making it taste like spikenard, cloves or honeysuckle. In the United States these additives are regulated to a set number of 599, with two-thirds of them being lethal to humans.
Last but definitely not least, I have included a picture of the
Divine Catherine for your delectation.
With warm regards,
Your Brother in Spagyric Inquiry,
Paracelsus
Radio Sutra #8-- Militant Octopodianism
A Militant Octopodian has eight flexible arms, which trail behind us as we swim. Most of us have no internal or external skeleton, allowing us to squeeze through tight places, like slightly cracked windows and under most doors. Octopodians also have hard beaks, and are unafraid to use them. Our mouths lie at the center point of our eight arms. We are highly intelligent, and are arguably the most intelligent invertebrates. We do tensor calculus for fun. For defense against predators, we hide, flee quickly, expel ink, or use color-changing chromatophores in our skin to camouflage ourselves, leaving all you 'one-skinned' retards in the dust. Octopodians are bilaterally symmetrical, like other cephalopods, with two eyes and four pairs of arms. We are absolutely not radially symmetrical, like those slacker Octopodian-wanna-be sea stars.Octopodians have an unacceptably short life expectancy, with some of our most unfortunate sisters and brothers living for as little as six months. Larger species, such as the North Pacific Giant Octopus, may live for up to five years under certain circumstances. However, reproduction is a cause of death: males can only live for a few months after mating, and females die shortly after their eggs hatch. They neglect to eat during the (roughly) one month period spent taking care of their unhatched eggs, but they don't die of starvation. Endocrine secretions from the two optic glands are the cause of genetically-programmed death (and if these glands are surgically removed, the female Octopodian may live many months beyond reproduction, until she finally starves). In an effort to combat this incredibly irritating design-flaw, we have establised the Militant North Pacific Giant Octopodian Think-Tank, and are currently conducting top-secret gene-splicing research in aquaria world-wide at this very moment.
As Octopodians, we are very proud of our uniquely flexible brains, which in each Octopodian is wrapped around his or her esophagus. Our brains are deeply whorled and ridged and we each possess a very complex visual cortex. The visual cortex is of extreme importance to Octopodians, as we apparently coordinate the movements of their two legs and six arms by sight only. Octopodians also have three hearts. Two pump blood through each of the two gills, while the third pumps blood through the body. This means that once we get the life-expectancy snag worked out, it's going to be real hard to kill us.
Militant Octopodians also support all shell-less, multi-armed molluscs in finding their path to the Sea Goddess. However, we do not recognize hormonally or surgically altered fish as octopoids, and therefore exclude these fish, or fish who self-define as octopuses, cuttlefish or squid, from our tradition. Octopodian Mysteries cannot be understood nor experienced through chemical or surgical alterations to piscene bodies. As octopoids, we honor the ways that we are informed by our eight-armed physiology, cellular memory, and work power from our ink-sacs outward. Even if an octopus has had her ink-sac removed later in life, her body of wisdom has been informed by her physiological experiences of mollusc-hood and tentacle-hood. She will continue to work power from the Divine ink-sac in her center all her life.
The Militant Octopodian tradition focuses on rites to heal octopoids from the effects of personal and global oppression as we deal with growing up multi-armed and shell-less in invertibrate-hating cultures worldwide. The depth to which icthyarchy has shaped and impacted our lives as octopoids cannot truly be understood unless one has experienced it from birth. In light of these bases of our tradition, it is simply not appropriate for hormonally/surgically altered fish to attend our events. Our tradition is simply not about them, and does not address nor include their unique experiences. Exceptions to this exclusion are those nudibranchs, anemones and sea-cucumbers who have been raised Octopodian in our culture. The vast majority of other mollusc-oriented traditions do not share this fundamental requirement, and most often welcome transmolluscs as participants. Octopodian-born-octopuses who self-define as fish, crinoids or scallops would, by their own definition, exclude themselves from Militant Octopodian ritual.
The Militant Octopodian tradition is committed to an octopodist paradigm of true sexual liberation. We are working to free ourselves and our ocean from the effects of icthyarchal culture that equates sexuality, sexual expression, and eroticism with sadism, masochism, dominance and death-by-optical-glad-secretion due to gender-dedicated egg-tending. We will neither support nor condone sexual practices which are de-tentacle-izing, and whose purpose it is to cause pain, humiliation or death-by-predation during coitus (in the case of cuttlefish and squid), whether consensual or not. Consistent with an Octopodian paradigm for an egalitarian and peaceful world where power shared means empowerment for all, we support nothing less than a revolution from within and without, in the ocean in general and in the currents of the Octopodian (or Decapodian) spawning-school.
The Hawai'ian creation myth relates that the present cosmos is only the last of a series, having arisen in stages from the wreck of the previous universe. In this account, the Octopus is the lone survivor of the previous, alien universe.
We are not composed altogether of flesh and blood. We have shape...but that shape is not made of matter. When the stars are right, We can plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars are wrong, We cannot live. But although We no longer live, We never really die. We all lay in stone houses in Our great city of R'lyeh, preserved by the spells of mighty Cthulhu for a glorious resurrection when the stars and the earth will once more be ready for Us.
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